I am often asked "Why is God allowing this to happen?" or "Why did God allow this to happen to me?" I am often posed the question from someone who wonders if they didn't have enough faith. I never really understood this until I went thru something that caused me to ask this question.
Raffiiki "It's in the past!" Simba "But it still hurts!" Raffiki "Learn from it?"
I LOVE this line from the movie The Lion King. It reminds me of how important it is to learn from our pain and from our past. Sometimes we just see pain as hurt and sorrow. We might ask "Why is all this happening to me?" But sometimes, if we dig a little deeper, these are excellent opportunities for stretching ourselves and growing beyond what normal day to day life allows.
Perfect Moments... I love them. Those moments when time stands still for just a moment and something is etched into your memory.
I first became aware of Perfect Moments when I read "Chasing Daylight" by Gene O'Kelly. It is an AWESOME book that I highly recommend. I started noticing them more and realized I have them many times a day- if I just pay attention.
Every year when Martin Luther King Day comes around, I think about him. I think about what rights members of my family have because of what he and so many others sacrificed. It amazes me that it was just less than 50 years ago that this all took place. It seems so long ago to live a life where we were all so separate. And that was "normal". Although I am not naive enough to believe that prejudice no longer exists, I am grateful for how far we have come.
So what's the climate when you're around? Is it nice, peaceful, and calm? Or is it chaotic, anxiety provoking, and full of turmoil? I think about this sometimes when I am around certain friends or family members. It's like I prepare myself with my "raincoat" to shield myself from "the storm". Know what I mean? Or I feel myself get anxious and try to gain some control when someone that is a tornado is coming thru.
In my last blog I talked about Controlled Separation. Many people want to know what a Controlled Separation actually looks like. Basically, the partners separate living space. If financially possible, one partner actually moves out. Or, if their are children involved, some couples choose to rent an apartment. When one partner is at the home with the children, the other partner stays in the apartment. This is great for the children in that it does not disrupt their living space. However, this only works if the couple is amicable and can respect each other's space when they are at the apartment and home of origin.
Many clients come to me feeling they have two options: stay together and be miserable or divorce. Many of them feel too overwhelmed with the thought of staying together and trying to work it out. Unfortunately, they feel it would be "easier" to get a divorce. There is an alternative or in-between: Controlled Separation.
Those of you that live in Indianapolis know that last week a major part of our interstate system on I465 was closed due to a tanker blowing up. Amazingly no one was killed and we are so grateful for that. For me, I was amazed what that little tiny area of the interstate meant to me once it was gone! I use that literally everyday either for work, activities at church, and my son's school. Like everyone else, I had to find alternate ways to get home and hopefully find one no one else was thinking as well (yeah, right!).
So we started Tweeting last week and we all love it! It is so fun being connected to people all over the world that you would never know without Twitter. We have even met some people in our own backyard.
Sometimes it can be painful watching clients make the changes they need to make to feel more healthy. It is always difficult to watch someone who struggles with people pleasing (and codependency) to start setting boundaries with people and get negative results. I know personally what that is like and it can feel defeating. Unfortunately, many times you will get negative results because people are not used to you saying no or disagreeing with them.